Have you ever noticed how many times a day you tell yourself or others “I can’t”? As I started to pay attention to this for myself, it was kind of surprising.
Here are some other “I can’ts” I noticed in my exploration:
So just for fun, which ones do you think I’m truly incapable of if I paused and thought about it for a second? There are some for sure that I really couldn’t do, and yet the majority are ones that I really could do the behavior and just didn’t want to. Though doing the behaviors would have been uncomfortable, them being painful for me and my not being capable of them were actually separate issues.
So why might people use “I can’ts” when they really can? Well, first of all, they may not even be noticing that they are, and it may just be a habit. But the thing about these “I cant’s” is that they give us plausible deniability. It’s hard to challenge the other person if they are claiming to be incapable of change. So when I really stopped to consider my use of “I can’ts” I realized that sometimes they were kind of a little push back to others in a way that let me off the hook to do anything differently or block the person from giving me feedback. What a very effective cop out. And if I were to guess the other person kind of knew too.
Now, of course we get to make choices in life, so the idea here is not to force ourselves to do or not do things instead of saying, “I can’t.” But it has a different feel to say, “I don’t want to resist saying something” instead of “I can’t resist saying something.” The first is a much more genuine representation of myself and the choice I’m making. So I guess it’s something about owning or taking responsibility for our choices in life with the ability to reflect on if it fits with our values.
So if you want to join in on the fun, notice any moments that you may say “I can’t”, “I couldn’t”, or “I’m not capable” and with some genuinely open curiosity ask yourselves, “Is that really true, or do I just not want to?”
https://www.radicallyopen.net/blog/i-cant/
